Swinging is a great, alternative lifestyle. You can let yourself go, fulfil sexual fantasies and generally have a great time. However, all swingers gatherings have their share of annoying/obnoxious members. Here is our list of the 10 types of swingers that you will definitely hate!
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1. Mrs. Big
We have all seen her at a swingers’ event. She is generally the largest and most often the loudest of the people there. Obese, short hair, face may have been attractive 30 years ago, folds of fat everywhere, humungous floppy hanging breasts and an ass that can be compared to a large van. She is sex hungry (not surprising) and is generally the instigator of a group, with her as the queen bee in the center. Loves to suck cock and actually does well, but slurps and moans like a full-blown orgy. She likes to be licked, and I would award a medal for anyone brave enough to go down on her and survive. She loves it in the ass, but when she bends down, the size of her massive cheeks is a daunting sight.
2. Mr. Muscle
Never wears a shirt and wears a tight little thong. He smiles as he passes, flexing his impressive muscles. He thinks that every lady is wooed by his prowess and that all the guys feel inferior as he is in such good shape. Arrogant and confident, he does not wait to be spoken to and butts into conversations, generally ignoring male partners and focused on every female guest. Often quickly successful due to his, apparent, physical prowess, his sexual activity is focused firmly to his pleasure only. Unveiling his moderate member to the ladies, he expects a long and protracted blow-job and either missionary or doggy style sex. He does not take long to cum and always asks ‘How good was I?”. Why doesn’t someone tell him the truth? Anyway, that lady is now well primed and now hungry to be satisfied by others.
3. The Beautiful Couple
Each club has at least one couple like this, good-looking, well-groomed attractive couple but with a lot of attitude. Perfectly presented, he is in a tight black t-shirt and designer underwear, she looks great in a very sexy and skimpy outfit that does show off her body. Their noses are generally in the air all evening, they talk so much of their sexual conquests, their great swinger cruises and other exploits. In the end they are mostly just talk, and you will rarely see them pair up with anyone and will watch and not participate in an orgy. In fact, they generally don’t even have sex with each other. Maybe they just get their buzz by showing off their bodies and trying to impress each other.
4. The Asian Dyke
So often seen in swingers clubs around the world, the Asian dyke is normally quite fat and short with little, sloppy breasts. Generally walking around naked and proudly sporting a massive strap-on, they strut up to small groups, with the impressive protuberance clearing the way. Bullish and controlling, they prey on submissive characters to exert their dominating character. Despite their traits they can be fun as the action gets underway, they will lead any orgy and are eager to put that massive strap-on to use with Mrs. Big being one of the most appreciative recipients!
5. The Sadist
Generally very inconspicuous, small, nerdy and one of the few people that has to keep their glasses on! He is a loner and circulates looking for victims. People will feel sorry for him as he looks harmless and is alone. He will be invited to talk and often to join a couple or partake in the orgy. He does have a reasonable sized penis, but he rarely acts to pleasure a lady, he is the type that is just their almost hanging on. Being right in the middle of the action is where he likes to be, and his sadistic tendencies emerge as he pinches or even bites. In the midst of an orgy, his actions are not noticed until the bruises are apparent the next day.
6. The Nerdy Couple
He is slim, almost skinny, she is mousy but has quite a reasonable figure, full breasts and a nicely rounded rear. They tend to creep around the club, mostly keeping to themselves. Again, people tend to feel sorry for them as they are alone, and the men do like the look of the female partner. They tend to slide up to couples without asking or being invited and try to join in and if not dismissed he just wants to fuck the female partner without this being reciprocated by his lady. Often when rejected, they continue to slink around the room looking for victims.
7. The Restaurant Chef
He is rotund with slicked-back greasy hair, a thin mustache and wears a tired black t-shirt and boxers. Used to having people listen to him, he is one of the loudest at the bar, but he tells some good stories and is relaxed and entertaining. He likes to join couples and due to his personality is often invited to play. However, when they get together on the bed, they realize that he stinks. Years of peeling onions and garlic and cooking fried food have permeated every spore, and his sexual advances mean that the poor couple of the group has to endure a cocktail of kitchen smells.
8. The Young Innocent
She looks delicious, sexily dressed, nice little figure and a look of complete innocence. It’s the ‘What is a nice girl like you doing in a place like this syndrome’. Beneath that innocent exterior is a slut that wants to satisfy her sexual cravings with whoever will concede to her pleading. With the clothes off, she is a nymphomaniac on steroids. She sucks and kisses and wants to be fucked long and hard, and her selfish drive excludes any other females, often causing resentment as husbands pound this sweet, sexy creature. She does look so cute, however, she returns flushed to the bar after a long session!
9. The Awkward Single Guy
Again you have all seen him, tall, skinny dressed in a white singlet and baggy white underwear (occasionally replete with a skid mark). He is vaguely handsome, but just so awkward. He regularly spills someone’s drink and in apologizing upends another. He is however quite well-endowed and with some ladies fascinated by a large penis, he has his share of success. He can never get the condom on, fumbling until it breaks, he can often not find the entrance to a lady, fumbling around as he tries to locate the hallowed hole. Always apologetic, he continues to mumble his apologies whilst the lady become more and more frustrated.
10. The Nurse
She is gorgeous, fabulous figure and wears intricate clothing that leaves little to the imagination. She is popular, but she has her foible. Everything has to be cleaned and sanitized. As she makes her entrance at the bar, she will spend considerable time wiping down the bar stool before she parks her adorable backside upon it! She readily accepts invitations to play, but as she enters the play area, she starts to sanitize everything and everyone must first take mouthwash. This fanaticism continues as she proceeds to sanitize every erotic part that she wishes to play with. Once she is ready, the execution of placing the condom is done with medical precision. Some guys can’t tolerate and go limp, get embarrassed and leave. However, once her coital levels are in overdrive, she is one of the wildest and most erotic of the party.
The above characteristics are of people that you should be careful of when at a Swingers club, and I am sure that you will see them. Don’t be put off in any way, the swinger lifestyle is one of tremendous respect and discretion. You will be surprised by some of the people that you meet (doctors, lawyers, politicians) as they all have the same fantasies and carnal desires. All are bound by trust and discretion. Avoid the traits of the characters in this article, your popularity and with it your interaction will benefit greatly!
If you are not ready to go to a club yet, use online adult dating to seek like-minded people and meet locally. You will find different characters online and once you become a little experienced you will understand who these people are and what they want. Looking online through the Adult sites is an excellent way to find out the types of people that you may like to meet. You may like, but your partner may disagree, so you learn together. Online sex dating provides you with a chance to learn about your potential swing partners, from the comfort of your home.
Don’t delay and get into the swingers’ lifestyle now, but above all, swing safely whether online or at a club!